6/19/2006
Paul Mirengoff from one of the blogs I visit most often, Powerlineblog.com also took notice of Hirshman’s article over the weekend. Paul does not spend much time on the subject, but I did get a chuckle from his take on the article.
As for myself, I would ask the question again regarding how Hirshman and others define the term “work.” My wife is a stay-at-home Mom and she works as hard as I do. I value the job she is doing and she values the job I’m doing. We’ve discussed the possibility of Julie going back to work after the kids go to school full-time, but we’ve never really stressed over it.
I also have a good friend from grad school who chose to be a stay-at-home Dad. He and his wife wanted the same that Julie and I wanted, the option to keep our kids at home in their youngest years. My friend’s wife had a great job and so they decided that he would stay at home and take care of their kids. I respect the decision they made and if I had been in the same situation, I would gladly have done the same thing.
I think perhaps we need to stop calling those who choose to focus full-time on raising children stay-at-home Moms or Dads. I think perhaps we should call them “work-at-home” Moms or Dads.
I hear how fulfilling work is, and it is. But, throughout my entire life, nothing has been more fulfilling than holding my children in my arms, or seeing them sleeping peacefully at night, or even just doing mundane things with them, like going to the grocery store.
When I leave a job, or a company, the work I do there is quickly forgotten, and very easily erased. At work, I’m only as good as my next project. At home, with my family, the time i spend there as a husband and a father have an impact that go well beyond anything I’ll ever do at work.
And to me, my family is my joy; a great gift. If Julie suddenly chose to again work outside of our home, we would still have that joy, but I’m grateful for the decision she made to stay there with them. And when someone tries to tell me that what Julie is doing, or what my friends or other family members are doing, has any less impact and meaning than what I do outside of the home, I will always disagree.
One final point. When my Mom passed away almost two years ago, it was a very hard moment for my entire family. She was the strongest of us. She was the center of our family and we orbitted her like the planets orbit the sun. When she passed, it took a long time to pull ourselves together again.
On the day that she passed away, at the moment of her passing, almost all of us were there with her. We were around her like a cloud, and I stood there and held her hand as she passed. It was a terrible moment, but I was able to be there, to hold her hand, as she had been there for me her whole life.
So, I’m going to ask any of you reading this post a very hard question…
When you die, God willing, having lived a long and full life, who will be there to hold your hand while you transition from this life to the next? You may say to yourself, “this is not a big deal to me,” and perhaps it truly isn’t for you at the moment, but it will be someday.
This I can assure you; it is almost certain that none of your coworkers will be there to hold your hand at that moment. It is unlikely that any of your friends will be there either.
Yes, you might have a brother or sister there with you, and perhaps even nieces and nephews. Hopefully you will at least have that comfort.
I’m not trying to belittle those of you who’ve chosen to marry your careers. What I’m trying to do is point out that there should be a balance in life. Your career has meaning, and your family has meaning.
But your family has the most meaning. Without a family, all you will have is memories of your career, and the hospital staff, to see you off at your last moments. And all the work of your career will likely fade within just weeks for months after you leave your job. That is the way of the world, especially the working world.
Ultimately, the most lasting marks you can leave will not be made on the job, but in the home. So, which job is it that is more important, mine or my wife’s? I think my wife’s job has the most value, and I’m grateful for the work she does.
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